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BITCOIN’S NEW DOWNFALL (THANKS TO ELON!)

Elon Musk

Elon Musk, founder of Tesla, best known for embracing the most futuristic technology, but now he’s moved from crashing self-driving cars to crashing Bitcoin. One of Bitcoin’s most famous promoters has just turned on the cryptocurrency, Elon Musk tweeting earlier this hour you cannot buy Tesla with Bitcoin anymore due to the “rapidly increasing use of fossil fuels for Bitcoin mining and transactions. Cryptocurrency has long had a huge carbon footprint. Bitcoin plunging on the news here, falling ten percent. 

That’s right, people. From now on, people will no longer be able to say “I bought my Tesla with Bitcoin.” So now they’ll have to find a new way to be unlikable at parties. But it is shocking to hear this coming from Elon Musk. Because he has been the guy promoting Bitcoin. And, now, he says the reason he’s doing this is because of environmental concerns, but part of me thinks the truth is he probably just lost his Bitcoin password. I mean, maybe he wrote it down on a Post-it note somewhere and lost it, or on his kid’s birth certificate. 

But this really goes to show you that Bitcoin has a long way to go as a currency. Because most established currencies don’t go up and down based on a random social media post, right? Like, you wouldn’t see the effects in real life. Like, can you imagine trying to pay a dollar for a candy bar, but then the cashier is like, “Whoa, buddy, that stuff’s worthless now. “Didn’t you see Khloe Kardashian’s latest selfie? Yeah. Oh, buddy.” Let’s move on now to the coronavirus vaccine. It’s the reason you now have specific opinions about pharmaceutical companies. 

Authorities all over the world have been trying out different ways of enticing people to get vaccinated. Today in New York City, Shake Shack announced that it will give free french fries to anyone who shows their vaccination card. 

And because you’re vaccinated, it’s safe to suck the ketchup straight out of the dispenser again. Which is really cool. 

That’s all for now. 

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